


Types Of Drunks

by AwokenMonster



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Angry Drunk, Banter Enforcing Drunk, Denying and Self-Destructing Drunk, Gen, Manic Drunk, Sentimental Drunk, Sloppy Drunk, The Broken Drunk, The Horny Drunk, The Romantic Drunk, The Wandering Drunk, Touchy Feely Drunk, drunk guys, happy drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-19 05:51:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9421343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwokenMonster/pseuds/AwokenMonster
Summary: The members of Hollywood Undead are drunk. Let's take a closer look and find out which type of drunks they are. We own nothing. Rated T for swearing. Warning: very small amount of slash in this one!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy!

**The Sentimental Drunk (Danny)**

**_The sentimental drunk will spend all night telling everyone how much they love them, reminiscing about old times both real and imagined. They will also complain about how you don’t hang out as much as you used to anymore._ **

 

Great, just fun-fucking-tastic! Danny was drunk. Sure, they all had a couple of beers but this one, the lead singer of Hollywood Undead, couldn’t handle his alcohol quite well. He was slowly slipping away from them into an intelligible state. The five of them were having a nice drink outside the bus in the cool air of the night. It was peaceful, or so they thought. Danny was currently smoking a cigarette, wobbling on his feet like there was a fucking earthquake going on. He leaned his elbow on Charlie Scene’s shoulder and supported his chin on his arm. “Ya…y’know, Chaaarlie?”

Charlie raised an eyebrow and turned his head towards his drunk friend. “Yeah?”

“I love you, man, you’re the best. I really love you. I could just hug you right now”, Danny rambled, getting closer with each word. Charlie slowly backed off further so the other couldn’t quite reach him. J-Dog and Da Kurlzz were lost in laughter, Funny Man feeling fury as Danny shamelessly ‘flirted’ with Charlie. It wasn’t flirting but it was in his eyes. Maybe he was just being a jealous fuck? Why did he care anyway? It’s not like he liked Danny…

Johnny didn’t think it was funny at ALL. He loathed Danny’s drunk moments. He just kept saying I love you and kept leaning on others like they were fucking crutches. He thought it was a waste of energy. Couldn’t the other actually say I love you while he was sober? That would be nice for a change. It wouldn’t be so forced and fake. He really wanted to smash Danny’s face right now.

Charlie actually liked it when he said those things but he hated how the other had the habit to lean closer with every word like he was about to kiss him. He weakly pushed Danny further away and chuckled. “I love you too, bro, I love you too.”

He had learned not to give in to the request of the hug the hard way. Previous time Danny said the exact same thing. Charlie let him hug him but Danny didn’t let go anymore. The other four had to pull him off because for some reason he was holding on to Charlie like a childhood teddy bear, mumbling ‘we should hang out more’ multiple times.

“No, no, no”, Danny shook his head, wobbling slightly more on his legs and his head feeling dizzy and fuzzy. He cracked a silly grin. “Doooooo you remember that one day? That day…”

His sentence trailed off. Charlie’s soft smile of amusement faded into confusion. “What day?”

“That day…I walked away in December. I will always remember. I’ll regret it forever”, Danny started singing, sending J-Dog over the edge again into a fit of laughter. Da Kurlzz just rolled his eyes at his behavior and noticed the confused face of the bandana rapper. “What the fuck, Danny? Why are you singing Circles? You aren’t even supposed to know those lyrics!”

“No no, seriously though. Do you remember that ooone time where you shat your pants. What a funny word…shat…shat”, Danny mumbled, completely ignoring his friend.

“I never shat my pants”, Charlie weakly defended himself.

Danny tilted his head for a moment. A moment of silence, then he looked at Johnny. “Johnnyyy?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Danny?”

“Yeees?”

“Shut the fuck up”, Johnny snarled.

Danny pouted. “But I love you! Don’t you love me anymore? We should hang out more! I really think we don’t see each other as much anymore!”

“We’re in a fucking band, idiot”, Johnny sighed, flicking his head in annoyance.

Danny made a pained sound and held the sore spot on his head. “Really? What’s our band called?”

“Hollywood Undead, you dipshit”, Funny Man answered with an amused shake of his head.

“That’s a cool name! But if you’re undead, does that mean you’re alive because you’re like totally… un-dead”, Danny thought aloud.

Johnny facepalmed and Funny Man laughed. “You dork.”

Danny remained silent for a few minutes before looking at Funny Man. “Funnyyy?”

“Yeah?”

“Have I told you I love youuuu?”

“No”, Funny Man grinned. He was playing a trick on his buddy. He had already told him five times that evening he loved him. He just liked how the other stroked his ego in all the right ways by saying it. Danny wobbled over to Funny Man, stumbling and almost falling into the other’s arms, chuckling like an idiot. “Oh thanks, I love you! You’re great. Do you remember when Deuce kidnapped me?”

“Deuce never kidnapped you, Danny”, J-Dog popped up.

“Yes, he did! He raped me too. My butt still hurts”, the lead singer complained, rubbing the small of his back. Funny Man laughed. “You must’ve dreamt that.”

“No! It’s true.”

Another moment of silence.

“J-Doooog?”

“Yes?”

“I love youuu!”

Five sighs signaled this was going to be a very _very_ long night and Danny wouldn’t remember a single thing of it.

 

**The Happy Drunk (Charlie Scene)**

**_They’ll laugh at everything, dance whenever they get the chance, speak in hyperbolic superlatives and generally act like they are having the greatest night of their life._ **

****

The boys of Hollywood Undead had one night off. One night in Los Angeles. The next morning they had to get up early so clubbing was immediately out of the question. Yet Funny Man still had the nerves to offer it. Just because he had absolutely no problem with hangovers. Instead Charlie offered to have a couple of drinks at his house with all six of them. They agreed and in the evening they were all sitting in Charlie’s garden. A huge garden that is.

All sitting on chairs, drinks in their hands. Trampoline standing behind them. Funny Man had questioned him about the trampoline once but his only answer was “fucking bitchin’, right? A fucking trampoline!”. Much further they didn’t get or he’d drag them on top of the thing. Johnny didn’t get on it because he was scared it would rip with all six of them on it.

Charlie wasn’t really going easy on the scotch. “Be careful”, had Johnny warned him. But if there’s one thing Charlie doesn’t do, it’s listen to the others when it’s about drinking.

By the time it was slowly, very slowly because it was in the summer, getting dark, he was completely shitfaced. Not a little bit tipsy, but actually shitfaced enough to confirm he wouldn’t remember shit. Now he was jumping around like a hyperactive bunny. “Charlie, sit the fuck down!” J-Dog yelled.

Charlie stopped dead in his tracks and turned his head to J-Dog. “….”

“What?”

“Push-ups!” Charlie suddenly cheered, getting on hands and feet in the grass and actually trying to do push-ups. Yes, _trying._ Because the bandana rapper is really bad at doing push-ups. After the third try he got on his feet again. “Can someone turn on some music or something?”

Johnny took out his phone and turned on some song, but he realized his mistake too late. Music and a drunk band member were the worst combination possible. Mostly because they all thought they were dancing amazingly while drunk. Previously Johnny recorded them all at the club, all quite sober except for Charlie. In the end Charlie watched the video, laughing and pointing at the screen, going like “Who’s that fucking idiot, dancing like a moron?”

A few seconds later realization and shame hit him as the others pointed out. “You.”

Guess it was kind of funny to have him drunk. As the music kicked in, he started dancing again like a snake having a seizure. Danny hid his face in shame and tried to hide his smile creeping up. Funny Man didn’t even try to hide his laugh, earning a goofy smile back from Charlie.

Da Kurlzz kept a serious face. A straight face. Not even the slightest trace of a beginning smile. “There is absolutely nothing funny about that.”

Charlie suddenly thought he was Michael Jackson and tried to moonwalk, making Da Kurlzz burst out laughing as he stumbled over his own feet and face first into the ground. He quickly got up again, doing the fucking Gangnam Style. His horse riding looked more like bull riding, but he didn’t even notice the difference. J-Dog was amused and Johnny just rolled his eyes. They were used to this kind of behavior from Charlie. “This night is fucking awesome, super-fantastic, bitchin’, right? I love it! It’s better than…than…fucking anything!”

Danny got up and stilled Charlie’s movements. “Sit down, now.”

The bandana rapper sat down but as soon as Danny was in his own chair again, he shot back up, mumbling something about ‘need to run’ and running around the garden like a fool. Da Kurlzz sighed. “I feel bad for the loser who’s gonna put him to bed.”

Four eyes gazed at him, knowingly.

“Oh no!” Da Kurlzz warned them. “I am NOT putting Charlie to bed!”

“Oh yes, you are”, they responded in unison.

Charlie returned, panting like his life depended on it. He felt like he had run the marathon of New York. And he was acting like he won it too. “And then he’ll wonder why he lost weight in the morning”, Johnny remarked sarcastically. Charlie flopped down in the grass and smiled. “So what are we gonna do tonight?”

“We’re already doing something”, Funny Man said.

Charlie laughed, though the others didn’t get why. “You’re so funny, Funny Man. Funny Funny Man…hehe.”

The Mexican rolled his eyes. “Fucking jerkface.”

“Jerkface”, Charlie chuckled.

Fucking great, he was going through the high phase of his drunk state. The high phase was the phase where he’d repeat every last word with a stupid grin plastered on his face. He’d either repeat the words or he’d repeat the whole sentence like it was the best joke he’d ever heard.

The night went on like that. Charlie tried to get a few more drinks but every time he came back with a glass, the others stole it away from him. First time he walked out of his house with whisky but Danny snatched it out of his hands and put it back inside. Then he came back with a beer, but J-Dog took it away from him, drinking it by himself. Soon Charlie was trying to pull pranks on the others, but Johnny went inside the house, poured him a Coke and handed it to him. “Drink and sober up!”

“Sure, Johnny 5 Tears.”

“What the fuck”, Johnny murmured, sitting down in his chair again. It was midnight and it was time for them to actually leave, so they stared at Da Kurlzz. “Put him to bed”, their eyes begged in silence.

Da Kurlzz threw up his hands in defeat. “Fine!”

He got up with a grumble and headed for Charlie, who was currently trying to convince them he could climb on the roof if he wanted to. Da Kurlzz grabbed him by his collar. “Bed, now!”

“Sorry, Kurlzz, but you aren’t my type”, Charlie giggled.

His curly haired friend smacked his head and dragged him upstairs. Strange how the other seemed to have no problems with stairs while he was drunk. Upstairs Da Kurlzz threw him on the bed. “You’re a pain in the ass when you’re drunk, you know that?”

“Really? I had the best night of my life”, Charlie pouted.

Da Kurlzz smiled and patted Charlie’s head. “Can you get in bed on your own or are you too drunk?”

Charlie wore a shit-eating grin. “Are you going to undress me?”

“No!” Da Kurlzz snapped.

His friend’s expression dropped. “Why not?”

“Just because… I don’t have to explain myself!” Da Kurlzz struggled. He tried to leave but Charlie remained still on the bed, upright and back straight. “Stay with me?”

“For what?”

“It’s lonely out here”, the rapper whined.

Da Kurlzz sighed and groaned when he felt like he was going to lose this fight. He closed the door and remained with Charlie. All they did that night was talk about small stuff, big stuff and anything in between, though the others would never believe them. What happens in Charlie’s bedroom, stays in Charlie’s bedroom, after all.

 

**The Sloppy Drunk (J-Dog)**

**_The sloppy drunk will slur every other word as they degenerate into a disgusting combination of sweat, spilled alcohol and vomit. You’ll have to carry them around like they were  wounded in Vietnam._ **

 

The month of May had a lot in store for the band members of Hollywood Undead. They had a few concerts to play, lots of writing and recording to do. For now, they were focusing on throwing a surprise party for J-Dog. His birthday was coming up in the beginning of May.

They all sat together to discuss the details, like what drinks they’d have in the fridge or what music to play. It wasn’t going to be a huge party. It would be a small one. Attendants: Danny, Johnny, Charlie, Da Kurlzz, Funny Man, Darren, his girlfriend and his cat. Yes, the party would be in his own house. Danny would invite J-Dog over and keep him busy while Johnny knew where the spare key was kept. He’d get it to let them all in and prepare the whole party.

Around 8 pm Danny would lead J-Dog to his own house again with some sort of excuse like he didn’t want to spend his evening lonely in his own house. J-Dog always had a soft spot for the lead singer. His eyes were just irresistible. Then the night would go on as planned. And that’s the way it was when the time came.

J-Dog didn’t expect it at ALL. They weren’t as stupid to make it obvious by ‘forgetting’ his birthday. They said happy birthday alright but they didn’t act special until the party. He didn’t expect them to have something extra in store for him. He unwrapped presents like an excited child on Christmas morning.

Again the party wasn’t big and there weren’t a lot of people but there was dancing, drinks and chips. All of that was enough to make a party of 8 people sound like a party of 50 people. Especially for Charlie who was shooting around like a hyperactive rabbit, dancing whenever he got the chance. He was completely drunk around 10pm. He was striking some moves and Da Kurlzz raised an eyebrow at them. “Where’d you learn that?”

“Just Dance 4 for the Wii!” Charlie cheered.

It made them all have a nice laugh and J-Dog was quite comfortable with his drink in his hand. Until Funny Man yelled “keg stand!” around midnight. They grabbed J-Dog with mischief in their eyes and he knew shit was going down. After he drank the whole fucking lot of beer, he was most definitely more drunk than Charlie was.

Sure, it was fun and games at first. They had their shits and giggles until it all turned. J-Dog felt it happening. His stomach was making weird sounds and loops. He was sweating like a dog and every movement became worse and worse.

He was swaying on his feet with a drink in his hand, spilling most of it all over Charlie. Charlie was too drunk to even notice. He grabbed J-Dog and started singing the wrong lyrics of California. Johnny facepalmed and begged for Danny to get Charlie to shut the fuck up. The lead singer only smiled and sung along to the wrong lyrics, knowing they were wrong.

Eventually Funny Man got Charlie to shut up by pointing at a bottle of Tequila. He seemed happier than a baby with a lollipop when he found the bottle. J-Dog was well on his way to follow Charlie but Da Kurlzz grabbed him from behind. “No way, dude. We don’t want a part 2 of the previous time you were drunk.”

“Preeevus?” J-Dog repeated in an intelligible slur.

Da Kurlzz had difficulties understanding him but deciphered it quite quickly. “Yes, previous time. About two months ago. Does it ring a bell?”

J-Dog pretended to be overthinking it but all his mind said was “doo doo doo ”. Two months ago J-Dog got so shitfaced he fell asleep with his head in the sink, covered in puke and sweat. It was so disgusting. J-Dog heavily leaned on Da Kurlzz. “M not drunk”, J-Dog defended, offering a grin to emphasize it but it only worked in Da Kurlzz’ favor. It was an obvious display of being drunk. “Don’t make me laugh, Jay.”

By that time Charlie and Funny Man were shaking their butts like they won a fucking dancing contest. J-Dog wanted to tag along when he felt a sting in his stomach. “Mgonna puke.”

Da Kurlzz stepped away. “Maybe you need to sit down.”

“No, no, no, need ta walk”, J-Dog shook his head and started walking around the house. Johnny stepped closer. “Jay? You alright?”

“No, Johnny, m not aight. Ma focus is off n I see everything double! I went waaaaaay beyon ma limits”, J-Dog slurred, walking in circles. He wobbled and ran around. Suddenly Da Kurlzz called for Johnny. “Leave him. He’s going to heave.”

Johnny left his friend alone and joined the others again. J-Dog stumbled towards the bathroom, leaned his hand against the wall as he hung his head above the sink. “Puke!” he thought but his stomach had other plans. It kept contracting and refusing to throw up. It hurt and he clutched his arm around his belly. Funny Man walked in. “You okay?”

“Mmm.”

“Puked yet?”

“Mmm”

“Is that a no?”

“Mmm”

“Fine”, Funny Man said, leaving again.

J-Dog walked out of the bathroom again, sweating like crazy and stumbling his way to the others. He felt like he was about to faint and as soon as he was starting to fall, he vaguely felt Danny catching his fall. He leaned heavily on the singer and tilted his head to stare into Charlie’s eyes. “You’re stealing Dannyboy!” he complained.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Charlie, you’re fucking drunk.”

“Am not!” Charlie complained. He moved his head towards J-Dog. “Not that drunk.”

J-Dog didn’t really know what was going on but he wasn’t deaf. He flipped him the finger and picked himself up off Danny. He mumbled a quick apology and wobbled towards Johnny. “Hey bro, how are you?”

“Drunk”, J-Dog smirked. He gagged and felt like he was about to puke so Johnny quickly rushed him towards the bathroom, pushed him down on his knees and awaited the moment he’d actually throw up. J-Dog sat there, staring into the toiletbowl. “M waaaayy over my limit, ain’t I?”

His slurs were slowly, very slowly, getting better but they were still slurs nonetheless. Johnny only nodded his head. Da Kurlzz came checking up on them but Johnny sent him away. He couldn’t use watchers right now. His friend had to throw up or he wouldn’t sober up. And he did. J-Dog threw up his guts for hours. All the time Johnny remained by his side. Sometimes Funny Man checked up on them, sometimes Da Kurlzz, who brought a bottle of water for J-Dog to drink. Danny often opened the door to check if they were still in there. Charlie was starting to sober up, feeling awkward for his possessive behavior over Danny. He checked up on J-Dog, left again. Around 3 am people were starting to leave. Around 4 am Johnny was the only one left at the house by J-Dog’s side as he threw up for the 8th time. His stomach was completely empty, now he was just drooling into the bowl. “M so sorry”, He murmured towards his friend.

The blue masked rapper smiled sadly and patted his back. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get my revenge one day.”

****

**The Touchy-Feely Drunk (Da Kurlzz)**

**_Also known as the horny drunk, will hug you 700 times throughout the night, and will end up making you uneasy as they straddle the line between “friendly” and “hey, I think you might be a sex offender.”_ **

****

“What the fuck is that?” J-Dog asked when he caught Da Kurlzz coming home with a six pack of some sort of alcohol beverage they didn’t quite recognize. The drummer just shrugged. “I like it. You wanna try it?

Reluctantly J-Dog accepted the can and opened it. He took a sip, made an approving face. Then the aftertaste kicked in and he gagged. “Ew!”

He handed the can over to Da Kurlzz. “You drink that shit but don’t you ever make me drink something that bad.”

The curly haired man just shrugged and sipped the can. “Your loss.”

He flopped down on the couch next to Johnny and Funny Man. Both gazed curiously to his drink. “Can we try?”

J-Dog took two cans and threw them over to the guys. Both had the exact same reaction on the aftertaste and placed the cans in front of Da Kurlzz. “You drink that shit.”

The screamer drank J-Dog’s can empty and started on Johnny’s. “As you wish.”

Danny and Charlie entered the bus after going for a smoke and their eyes caught the strange, unknown cans. “What’s that?” Charlie asked.

“It’s awful!” J-Dog expressed in disgust.

“Is there alcohol in it?”

“Yeah, it’s got the alcoholic effect of Tequila”, Da Kurlzz stated.

Charlie grabbed a can, snapped it open and drank it. Yet the can ended up next to Funny Man’s can in front of Da Kurlzz. “Hey! Stop wasting so much of my beer!”

Danny was quite curious and he believed it could never be that bad. He opened the last remaining can and took a sip. “That’s just disgusting.”

Da Kurlzz threw up his arms. “Come on!”

Danny took another sip. “No way in hell am I being a wuss, Kurlzz. I’m drinking this by myself.”

He emphasized it by completely draining the can of all liquid. Oh fuck, Danny was most definitely going to feel that within a few minutes. He was always the first to be drunk. The others only hoped he wouldn’t tell them he loved them anymore. That was fucking annoying sometimes. The lead singer grabbed Charlie’s can and sat down in between Johnny and Da Kurlzz.

Charlie and J-Dog sat down in front of them, watching as Da Kurlzz drank faster and faster. The more hours passed, the faster he drank his cans until there were none left. Danny had 2 cans, stopped after those 2 but Da Kurlzz had 4 of those in 1 hour. This wasn’t going to end well. Mostly because Danny became sentimental and Da Kurlzz became touchy-feely. He was leaning on Danny, head in his neck. “I’m not drunk, am I? Nooo, I’m not drunk.”

Danny chuckled and patted his head. “Me neither. I love you all, guys.”

“Danny, shut the fuck up”, Johnny snarled.

The lead singer stuck out his tongue and leaned backwards. Da Kurlzz’ didn’t hold him firm enough and fell with his head in Danny’s lap. “Heeeey!”

“Hello”, Danny smiled and waved.

Johnny and Funny Man rolled their eyes. The Mexican flicked Da Kurlzz’ head. “Idiot.”

“No you are an idiot!” Da Kurlzz shouted, putting an arm in the air, almost hitting Danny in the nose. He moved his arm back and tapped Funny Man’s head. “Pretty, pretty, Funny Man. I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Funny Man slowly moved away from them. “Fucking weird asshole.”

“What time is it?” Charlie asked, yawning already.

J-Dog checked the clock. “11 pm, why?”

“I’m tired”, Charlie answered with a face that said ‘are you stupid? Didn’t you see me yawn?’.

Da Kurlzz yawned too but he only did so because he saw Charlie do it and his mind mimicked it. Johnny got up. “Well, I’m heading for bed.”

“Same here!” Funny Man jumped upright and ran past Da Kurlzz before he could clutch himself onto his leg or something. Charlie and J-Dog stole their spots next to the two. Da Kurlzz got up off Danny’s lap and spotted Charlie next to him. “Charles P Scene! There you are, bro!”

He patted his shoulder and leaned his head on it. “I’m tired, can I sleep?”

“Yes, go to sleep”, Charlie begged.

Da Kurlzz didn’t answer anymore. He snored.

“Not like that!” The bandana rapper complained.

Danny chuckled and looked at J-Dog. “Put me to beeeed.”

J-Dog made a funny face. “Why should I put you to bed? You aren’t that drunk.”

“Because I need to tell you a little secret”, Danny whispered, leaning closer.

His friend frowned. “Shut up, Danny, please.”

“I love youuuu, bro.”

“Fuck off, Danny, I swear.”

“Fuck who?” Da Kurlzz asked, picking up the conversation. Charlie took the opportunity to sneak away from the other but he already had an arm wrapped around his shoulder. J-Dog was dying of laughter inside because of the faces Charlie made. The rapper kept begging for help but J-Dog pretended not to understand his pleas and gestures. “I’m gonna hit the sack”, J-Dog said, getting up half an hour before midnight. Charlie shot him death glares but he pretended not to notice them as he went to his bunk. Danny followed suit as a little doggy, walking a little funny but managing not to stumble too much.

Da Kurlzz lied down on the couch with his head in Charlie’s lap. “Sleep tight, Charlie.”

“Shut up.”

There was a very loud thud coming from the bunks part, followed by a whine and an angry scream. “Danny, get the fuck out of my bunk!”

Da Kurlzz giggled. “Danny tried to fuck J-Dog, I think.”

“Probably”, Charlie mused. He tried to shove Da Kurlzz off but his friend was very heavy and kept crawling upright to put more of his weight in Charlie’s lap until he was seated on top of him with his head against his chest. “Charliee.”

“What?” Charlie snapped.

Da Kurlzz wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “I like your hugs.”

“I like yours too but you’re drunk so they’re quite annoying”, Charlie mumbled to himself. The curly haired man smirked and hid his face in his neck. “I’ll remember everything in the morning, you know.”

“I sure hope so. You’ll be embarrassed”, the bandana rapper growled. Da Kurlzz patted his cheek softly and moved his face upwards. He made a soft sound to get the other to look at him. Charlie turned his face towards him and raised an eyebrow but the drummer just pressed his lips against him. The rapper felt him smile against his mouth when his eyes went wide and shove him completely off his lap onto the floor. “What the fuck, Da Kurlzz!”

Kurlzz pouted. “I just wanted a taste of Charlie Scene.”

“Fuck you, dude! I’m off to bed.”

And he did get into bed, but when he woke up, there was a heavy weight in his lap. At first he didn’t know what it was. Maybe J-Dog or Johnny jumped on top of him to wake him up, but as soon as he opened his eyes, he groaned. Da Kurlzz was sound asleep on top of him under the blanket. He was snoring slightly and seemed completely off the world. “J-Dog! Get him off of me!”

“You think you got it easy?”

Charlie turned his head towards J-Dog’s bunk and chuckled. J-Dog’s situation was similar. He had Danny curled up in his lap and mumbling soft intelligible words in his sleep. He shifted every single second to get more comfy onto his host. J-Dog and Charlie shared a look before both calling out at the same time. “Johnny!”

**The Angry Drunk (Johnny 3 Tears)**

**_The angry drunk spends all night positive that people are talking shit about them, and at some point they will get in a fight over something dumb, like some dude looking at them funny or another dude taking too many peanuts._ **

****

On stage everything was fun and games. Sometimes J-Dog got on Funny Man’s shoulders to play the guitar. Sometimes Charlie pulled down Funny Man’s pants in front of the whole crowd. Not that the Mexican minds. He loved the attention he got anyway. Sometimes they hit up the beer bong. That’s exactly what happened that night. They all had to do it. Funny Man, J-Dog, Charlie, Da Kurlzz, Danny and Johnny. But that was the problem. Johnny. When it was his turn, Funny Man thought it would be funny to use whisky instead of just beer. And he did pour whisky in it. Of course the blue masked rapper didn’t want to make a big fuss over it on stage so he took it like the little bitch he was.

The show was great. There wasn’t anything unusual except for Johnny messing up his line in Bullet, but no one actually noticed. Off stage is where shit happened. The big hammer hit Johnny in the head. You know the big hammer? It’s when you drink a lot and be normal for a while. Then it’s like a hammer hit your head because you suddenly start acting all weird and drunk like you aren’t reasonable. That’s what happened to poor Johnny. He was so drunk off his ass, the others couldn’t understand him quite well. He was also being paranoid and sulking by himself in a corner. “I heard that!” he screamed.

J-Dog looked his way. “Heard what?”

“You said I was stupid!” Johnny shouted with venom in his eyes. He looked like he was ready to murder someone.

“No, I didn’t.”

“I fucking heard it!”

“You misheard. I haven’t opened my mouth since I got here!”

Johnny growled and flipped him the finger. “Fuck off!”

J-Dog made a weird face at Charlie. “What the?” he mouthed without a sound.

Charlie shrugged. Johnny jumped on his feet. “I heard that! You told Charlie was a dipshit, didn’t you?!”

“No! What the fuck, Johnny! I didn’t say a word”, J-Dog defended, raising his hands innocently. Funny Man ran over to Danny. “Hey, bro, what are you up to tonight?”

“Dunno, I guess I’ll surf the web for a while.”

“Not gonna go party with me?” Funny Man pouted.

Johnny yelled at Funny Man who turned his head towards him. Just when they all thought a reasonable thing was going to come out, they got disappointed. Johnny just flipped him the finger and started rapping his verses of Undead.

Danny chuckled and patted the Mexican’s head. “Looks like you’re his new victim.”

“I heard that!” Johnny yelled.

The lead singer quickly ran away before he could be the next victim. Soon Da Kurlzz kneeled in front of Johnny. “Now, stop being so paranoid and come to the bus with us.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Hey J-Dog!”

“What?”

“Your head looks weird to me”, Johnny grumbled, he got up and tried to fight J-Dog but the other dodged his attacks and ran away. “Kurlzz! Keep him in check!”

“How should I do that? He’s like twice my size!”

“Are you calling me fat?!” Johnny screamed.

Charlie was lost in laughter but the others didn’t seem to think it was that funny. Danny hid behind the bandana rapper, shivering and shaking. “Help.”

Funny Man stepped in front of Johnny. “Calm down now, Johnny.”

It seemed to work. At first he calmed down but as soon as Funny Man got closer, his fist made contact with his nose. The Mexican recoiled and held his nose in pain. Blood was gushing out of it and that seemed to wake up Johnny. He was still drunk and tried to yell ‘I’m so fucking sorry’ and ‘are you okay?’ at the same time, ending up in a shout: “Are you fucking sorry?!”

Danny ran over to Funny Man, swatted his hands away and looked at his nose. “Tilt your head back.”

He did as he was told and the lead singer guided him towards to bus to take care of him. Charlie stopped laughing but he still thought this was the funniest thing ever, even if Funny Man had a bloody nose. It wasn’t broken so why couldn’t he laugh?

Da Kurlzz, Charlie and J-Dog remained behind with Johnny. There was an awkward silence before Da Kurlzz spoke up. “Funny Man forced him to drink whisky out of a beer bong and Johnny bust his nose. Karma’s a bitch, right?”

In the end they laughed with it and in the morning Johnny apologized fifty times to Funny Man while all he wanted, was to be left alone as Danny took care of him for the rest of the remaining time. Maybe he was faking a small amount of his pain, just so the lead singer would keep taking care of him. Johnny knew but he kept his mouth shut as he owed him for his forgiveness. Sneaky Funny Man.

**The Manic Drunk (Funny Man)**

**_The manic drunk somehow manages to be every kind of drunk all in one night. The happy drunk, the sloppy drunk, the angry drunk, the sentimental drunk, the touchy-feely drunk, the naked drunk (who feels the need to undress at all times), the infantile drunk (who gets more and more childish) & the depressed drunk (who wallows in self-pity) ._ **

 

Got an idea what time it is in LA right now? Clubbing time of course! At least, for the members of Hollywood Undead it was. Notes From The Underground was second in a top 200 so of course they had something to celebrate. It was Charlie’s idea to celebrate it at a club they used to go to. It had everything. Heavy music, dancing, drinks and girls, lots of girls. Of course Funny Man was off to impress some of the girls, he ordered tequila sunrise, drank it at once and winked at a cute blonde. Danny smacked his head. “Guys night!”

Funny Man pouted and rubbed the back of his head. “You didn’t have to hit me. I can’t help it the ladies are cute tonight.”

The blonde, only six feet away, giggled and waved at Funny Man. The lead singer scowled him but he just shrugged it off. “Relax, Dannyboy, you’re still my number 1”, he cooed, pinching the other in the cheek. Danny’s face flushed red and he hit the other again when he burst out laughing. “Sh-shut up!”

Johnny took the two of them apart. “Now now, don’t fight, boys.”

“He started”, Danny said and Funny Man stuck out his tongue like a child. He headed to the bar to order another drink. The one taking his drink was a lady so he felt the need to pretend to be classy. “An Eristoff Soda please.”

The lady nodded, rolling her eyes at his cocky smile. She was used to jack offs like that all the time but this one seemed a little bit too sure of himself. So instead of pouring 25 percent Eristoff and 75 percent Coke, she did it the other way around. To teach him a lesson. After all, she was just a noob in this bar and a mistake could easily happen. She handed the glass over to Funny Man with a charming smile. “There you go.”

He smiled his thanks and drank it all at once just to impress her. Her smirk grew and she knew he was going down within an hour. Strangely Funny Man remained upright. She was impressed by that but as he said “Another!”, she mixed the percent again. She wanted to see just how much he could take before getting shitfaced. Charlie noticed what the girl was doing and scowled her. She pouted, pretending to feel sorry but the bandana rapper quickly cracked a smile. “Don’t tease him like that. He can’t help it his dick is bigger than his brain”, he yelled over the music.

She shrugged. “I can’t help it I’m new and don’t know the recipes yet.”

Charlie shook his head. “You sneaky girl.”

Funny Man chugged the glass again and knocked it onto the bar. “Aaaanother!”

“No Funny, you’ve had enough for a while”, Charlie said.

The Mexican shook his head. “It’s delicious, you should try it.”

“No.”

“Pussy.”

“Fuck off.”

Funny Man grinned and Charlie decided to drop the subject. “Fine, take another.”

He walked away to tell J-Dog, Da Kurlzz and Johnny what just happened. They’d also tell Danny but he was engulfed in a crowd of 21 year old girls squealing over him. They adored him, recognized him from Hollywood Undead, tried to score his number which didn’t work, got him to sign them. Charlie pouted. “No one ever wants my autograph.”

Right at that moment one of the girls turned around and mimicked No. 5 on purpose. “Like oh my God, is that Charlie Scene?!”

Charlie smirked like a kid on Christmas eve and threw his hands up in the air. “Yes! I’m loved!”

Funny Man came back to the others after his 5th drink and he was obviously swaying. “Hooow’s it haaanging, guys?”

“You’re drunk already?”

Charlie looked up. “Yeah, he tried to impress the barmaid so she added more alcohol to shut him up.”

Johnny chuckled and patted Funny Man’s back. “Good job, dude.”

Danny turned away from the girls and walked over to them. Funny Man threw up his hands. “Danny! Have I told you you’ve got a fine ass?”

“What the fuck?” Danny responded, looking at the others in terror.

The Mexican laughed. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. You’re my bro, my homie, my wingman, my buddy. I love you!”

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Here we go again!”

“I love you all by the way. You guys are awesome”, Funny Man said. He smiled at them all but it quickly faded as he glared at Johnny. “What? You wanna talk shit about me?!”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Fuck you, homie, I thought we were brothers?!”

“Funny, I didn’t say a word!”

“Don’t yell at me, bro! I love you!”

Da Kurlzz laughed and turned to Charlie. “This is gonna be real good.”

“Definitely”, Charlie confirmed with a smile.

The Mexican widened his eyes suddenly. “Guys, I have to throw up…”

Danny sighed. “Fine, I’ll take you outside.”

He guided Funny Man outside which was a pretty difficult task because he was pulling Danny all over the place while leaning heavily on him. He opened the backdoor and they stepped into an alley. There were passed out dudes, a couple making out grossly, some guys puking. Funny Man joined the guys puking, throwing up all of his double burger he had before. He looked at the open backdoor. “Who left the doooor open? Who left me outsiiiide!” he sung.

Danny rolled his eyes but couldn’t suppress his smile creeping onto his lips. “Get back inside with me, moron!”

The Mexican walked over to Funny Man and leaned against his shoulder. “I love you, Danny, don’t you…ever let me go. No, don’t you ever let me go.”

“Stop saying you love me when you don’t mean it”, the lead singer complained.

Funny Man pouted and hugged Danny. “But I do. I really do. How can I prove?”

“Tell me again when you’re sober.”

The other considered it, moved his head towards his friend again. “I won’t remember so let me put it in my phone!”

He grabbed his phone and set an alarm for tomorrow morning. It read “Tell Danny you love him. No questions asked!” but it took him 20 fucking minutes to type it. By then he hugged his buddy again. “Thanks for coming out here with me, bro.”

“You’re sweaty”, Danny complained.

Funny Man ignored the remark and got back inside with the other in his trail. His energy seemed to come back and he was jumping around like an idiot. He was also dancing like an idiot and kept smiling at everything people said. He hugged Charlie about 5 times before pulling him towards the dance floor. Da Kurlzz quickly stole Charlie away from Funny Man because he predicted the other was about to heave again. Which was true. The baritone voiced rapper had to rush outside to make it in time and throw up his guts again. Then he was at the bar again and ordering another drink. He drank it all at once but when he ordered another, J-Dog swatted the drink out of his hands and glared at him. “No more drinks for you!”

Funny Man laughed and stuck out his tongue. “Make me!”

Danny swung an arm around his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jay, I’ll keep him in check”, he winked. J-Dog nodded approvingly before hitting the dance floor with Charlie. Of course Funny Man wanted too so he pulled Danny to dance with him. “This is the best night ever”, the Mexican said. The lead singer smiled shyly and danced along but when Funny Man grabbed his hips, he slapped his cheek harshly, leaving a huge red mark. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

Funny Man pouted and looked like he was about to cry. “I just wanted to dance with my little Danny. You’re my number 1, you know? Why doesn’t anyone ever love me? I love so much people but they never love me back!”

Danny knew he was making a scene here so he quickly hugged Funny Man. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I love you, yes, I mean it. Now shut up and stop crying.”

The Mexican sniffed. “You’re great man. This is the best night of my fucking life!”

“Shut up, Funny”, Danny tiredly begged. Why wasn’t he getting any help from the others? No, they were too busy getting drunk themselves! How was he ever going to get home if all of them were drunk except for him?

He realized he should go check up on the others too. “Wait here, Funny, okay?”

“Yeah.”

Danny looked Funny Man in the eye but he seemed pretty confident to stay in his spot and wait for the other to come back so he left to look for the others. Charlie was trying to hit on some girl while Da Kurlzz was trying to chase the girl away. Mostly because the girl was only a number four and Charlie would regret it in the morning.

J-Dog and Johnny were quite sober so Danny felt a whole weight fall off his shoulders. Oh fuck, Funny Man! He rushed back to the spot where he left him and he had kept his promise. He was waiting for the other to come back. Only he was shirtless now. “Funny, where’s your shirt?”

“What?”

“Your shirt. Where is it?”

“I don’t know.”

Danny pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, Funny Man was sitting on the floor in between the crowd. The lead singer rolled his eyes. “Get up.”

“Make me!”

“Get up, Funny Man!”

“No!”

He pulled his arm to get him to stand up but he only started yelling for him to let go. Danny was slowly losing his mind, but he took a deep breath and looked at him calmly. “I’ll let you have the last lollipop in the freezer if you get up.”

In a matter of seconds Funny Man was upright and smiling brightly like he never even cried in the first place.

“Where’s Jay?”

“What?”

“Where’s Jay?”

“Dancing with Johnny, why?”

“I feel him talking shit about me.”

“Shut up, Funny, please.”

Funny Man growled. “I feel it in my bones!”

“That’s the alcohol speaking”, the lead singer tried.

The Mexican moved his head upwards as if he heard a sound. “I need a hug.”

“And I need an aspirin”, Danny complained.

Funny Man pouted and held his arms out to his friend. “Hug now?”

The lead singer was so damn tired and he just wanted to go home but suddenly those arms seemed so welcome. He gave in and hugged Funny Man. It felt nice, cozy and warm. No need to worry about the drunk running off. That is, until the other pulled away and barfed on his shoes. Danny made a pained sound. “Why me? God, why me?”

“Please take me home, Danny”, Funny Man smiled apologetically.

The other made a sound in awe. “Thank you so much!”

He went to find the others and told them he’d be taking his buddy home. J-Dog nodded in approval, promising him he’d bring Charlie and Da Kurlzz home safely. Though Danny doubted Johnny was sober enough too. He sure spoke in a double tongue. Funny Man leaned on Danny as they made their way back to the bus. “I’m too drunk, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are”, Danny sighed. The other leaned his head on his shoulder. “Doesn’t take away the fact that I love you.”

“Shut up, you weren’t going to say it until tomorrow when you’re sober.”

Funny Man nodded. “Right.”

Aboard the bus he didn’t go to sleep yet, he was too busy bugging the lead singer. And suddenly he was naked. Not fully naked, he still wore boxers. “Funny, where are your pants?”

“What?”

“Your pants. Where is it?”

“In the laundry”, Funny Man smiled. He got on the couch next to Danny and lied across his lap. “Pet me!”

“What?”

“Pet me! I’m a dog.”

“You sure behave like one.”

Funny Man pouted. “You think I’m a dog? You think I wanted this? I don’t want to be an annoying drunk to you. You’re little Dannyboy. Everyone loves you and you love us all except for me!”

Danny opened his mouth in surprise but closed it again and just ran his fingers through the other’s hair. “Fine, I love you too.”

Funny Man made a purring sound. “Best. Night. Evaaaa!”

Not much later the guys came home. J-Dog put Johnny and Da Kurlzz to bed. Danny put Funny Man and Charlie to bed. Afterwards they had a talk about their stupid drunk actions and both went to bed. Around 9am Danny felt a hand shaking him awake. “Danny?”

“Hmm?”

“It’s me, Funny Man.”

Danny opened his eyes, yawned and stretched. “What is it? Why’d you wake me?”

“You can go back to sleep if you like. I just wanted to tell you I love you. And I’m sorry for troubling you last night”, Funny Man smiled.

The lead singer smiled back. “Apology accepted. Sleep tight.”

He rolled over in his bed when he heard Funny Man again. “Oh and thank you for the last lollipop in the freezer.”

FUCK!


	2. Types of Drunks New Year's Eve Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, they get waaay too drunk so let's see which type they are now
> 
> warning: some accidental slash because they're drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monster: This was supposed to be posted on New Year's eve last year. I guess it got delayed a little but worth it, no?

"Guys, are we going?" J-Dog called out.

Danny was still brushing his hair; Johnny was trying to find his favorite shirt; Da Kurlzz had to tweet about their night plans; Funny Man was gathering some money to go out while Charlie was trying to find his phone.

"We are, we are."

"Come on. By the time we get there, it's already going to be 2017!" Jay complained loudly. Danny grumbled. "Could you just let me do my hair? Theresa doesn't like it when it's all poofy."

"Oh she's so in control", Johnny laughed as he finally found a shirt to put on.

Charlie burst out laughing as he pulled his phone from underneath the couch in the tour bus. "Says the one who massages Asia's feet whenever she asks."

"Shut up!"

Da Kurlzz glared at all of them. "You guys are dicks! I'm the only single one!"

"Who knows. You might change that tonight", Funny Man winked to which the drummer blushed. "I'm not Danny! I don't sleep every night with someone else!"

All five – including Da Kurlzz – widened their eyes as Danny froze. "Did you really just call me a whore?"

"Too soon", Charlie whispered. "She told him last night she wanted to get a divorce because of his loose behavior on tour."

Everyone knew if Danny got drunk, it was… Well, you'll see in the next lines what happens when Danny gets drunk.

Danny stomped the floor. "Cut it out! I'm going to win her back tonight."

"So I'm not the only one without a girlfriend?" Da Kurlzz asked quietly.

"I'm not divorced just yet and tonight, I'll prove to her I'm the only one for her!" Danny called out, pointing his brush at every single one of them.

"Yeah, not to rush you guys, but we have to get going."

"Fine."

And so they moved onward to the party of New Year's Eve at a mansion of one of their friends. All of their friends and wives would be there but it wasn't a classy party. It was a full-blown rave. The guys just got back from touring. It would be the first time in two months, they'd see their friends and wives. If only it would end well…

**The Banter Enforcer: Charlie**

**The banter enforcer really, really wants everyone to be having fun. And having fun means drinking as much as possible and doing stupid shit.** **He steals items in his drunkenness and gets people drunk by peer pressure. He's also reckless as fuck.**

As they arrived to the scenery of the party Charlie immediately spotted his beautiful wife Randi. He went over to her and kissed her. "I missed you."

"Missed you too but please… promise me you won't repeat last year."

"Last year?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I mean it, Jordon?"

Charlie raised both of his eyebrows in surprise. "I don't even recognize my name anymore ever since they keep calling me Charlie day and night."

"Jordon…"

"I know. I know. Don't change the subject. I won't. I won't get that drunk anymore."

She sighed relieved and pecked him on the lips. "Now go fetch us a drink, alright?"

The bandana rapper nodded. The music was awesome and the lighting was so dim he had barely recognized the people walking around. Their friends really knew how to throw a party. He kept saying hello to people he vaguely recognized as he walked over to the bar. "Hey Charlie!" an old friend cheered but Charlie didn't quite know who he was anymore. He probably hadn't seen him in years. "Hey man, what's up?"

"Not much. How are you?"

"I'm alright."

"The usual for you?"

"The usual?"

"Last year you did shots…all the time", the guy said with a grin.

Charlie straightened his back uncomfortably. He really had a reputation because of last year and he didn't even remember. He cleared his throat. "No. I'll take a long island ice tea for my lady and a tequila sunrise for me."

"That's the spirit", the man said with a wink as he started mixing his drinks. He handed him two glasses and Charlie walked back to Theresa. He handed her the drink and she raised an eyebrow at his glass. "Already going to start with that?"

Charlie slumped his shoulders. "Stop it. I'm not an alcoholic!"

"Fine, I'm just saying."

The rapper chugged back his drink and walked away to find his friends instead. He ran into Funny Man. "Hey dude!"

"Uh hey. What's going on?"

"I'm having shots!"

"Already? Multiple?"

"Yeah! I just had two…or four!"

"Funny…Don't get too drunk, alright? Where's Anna?"

"Woohoo! I'm sober as fuck! No idea where she is."

Damn it, Funny Man. At some point, Charlie crossed their drummer who wore a sad look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"She's beautiful."

"What?"

He sighed love struck. "I can't get her anyway."

"O..k…"

With that the screamer ran away and left Charlie to wonder what the fuck he just said. At least he found Danny and Johnny in a normal state, with a drink in their hand nonetheless. Danny scratched the back of his head. "I'm winning her back, man."

"You're fucking a stranger tonight, Danny. Everyone knows you are", Johnny sighed deeply to which he earned a slap in his face.

Charlie laughed at the two of them. "You guys are so weird."

"Says the one who got drunk as fuck last year."

"Shut up!"

Charlie stomped away angrily and bumped into J-Dog. "Oh, hey!"

Jay smiled and waved for a second. "How are you?"

"Fine! I was just with Danny and-…" he turned around to show where they were standing but when he turned back, J-Dog had disappeared. Charlie let his hand fall back. "Ok."

He went back to the bar, finding the same guy who served him last time. "Time for shots?"

"Time for shots."

Funny Man tagged along besides him. "Make them double!"

"Awesome."

After a whole series of them Charlie got up. "Oh crap, I'm gonna feel that in a few minutes."

"I know, right?! It's awesome! Drinking and still sober!"

"Are you sure you're sober?"

"Totally!" the Mexican grinned "I'm always sober. Now let's do more shots!"

"No."

His baritone voiced friend checked his phone.

"Fine. I'll go find Anna then."

Funny Man walked away, looking quite unsteady as he stumbled a few times too much. Charlie shook his head, the liquor made his head spin. He blinked a few times. Only when he opened his eyes again, everything became black.

Few hours later was the only thing he remembered after that. He ran into Randi. "Hey babe!"

"Did you drink again?"

"No."

"Really? Because Funny Man says you got Danny shitfaced."

"I did?"

"Yeah. Where'd you get that flashlight?"

Charlie looked at his hand. "Would you look at that. I've got a flashlight."

"Did you steal it?"

"I think I did."

Randi folded her arms. "What's that stain on your shirt?"

Charlie looked down to his shirt. "Oh yeah. I think…Johnny?"

"Did he vomit?" she squinted her eyes.

"No!"

"Did you vomit?"

"I don't think I did."

"Damn it, Charlie!"

She ran away as they started to count down. Ten.

"Randi, wait!"

Nine.

"I can't believe you'd still get drunk after last year!"

"What was so bad about last year? I can't even remember."

"You really wanna know?"

"Of course I do!"

Eight.

"You really can't remember?"

"No, I can't."

He stopped her by her tugging her arm before she reached the door to the garden. She stopped to look at him.

Seven…

**The Denier & self-destructor: Funny Man**

**The drunker the denier gets, the soberer they think they are. They are often very apologetic in the morning. This isn't the normal denier. He's also a self-destructor. The self-destructor is the banter enforcer's best drinking mate. They will do anything for a good time, and seem to lose any decision-making abilities after one glass** **.**

Funny Man arrived to the party when he received a text message.

_Anna: Sorry, sweetie, I'm gonna be late xxx But I'll be in time for the midnight countdown. Promise :*_

He sighed. Already his reunion with her was postponed. He couldn't stand the fact he hadn't seen her in such a long time. He took a deep breath and forced himself to go get a drink. If she wasn't willing to party with him, he was going to get drunk. Not just drunk, but shitfaced. He grinned at the thought. This night was going to be legendary. If only he got Charlie to join in. He looked towards his best friend but saw he was too busy with Randi. Great. He could go drink alone. He sighed again. Shit.

Da Kurlzz put an arm around his shoulders. "What's wrong, dude?"

"Anna's not coming until midnight."

"What?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I don't know", the Mexican shrugged. "I don't care honestly because if I ask, she'll reply honestly and I'll get jealous anyway. You know how it goes with me."

"I do. Man, that sucks. We should go get a drink."

"Yeah."

The two of them went down to the bar and asked for shots, two of them. They both downed it immediately, another pair right after. The drummer coughed. "Man, that'll get us started."

"It's not much, but the music will do the rest", Funny Man grinned. He got up and wanted to tug Da Kurlzz along when he saw the screamer's attention was focused on someone else. "Dude?"

"Sh."

"What?"

"Do you know who she is?"

He pointed at a pretty brunette, dancing in the crowd. She was absolutely gorgeous but Funny Man quickly told himself to cut it out as he wouldn't want Anna to think about such things of another guy. He couldn't be a hypocrite and do it himself. He shrugged. "I don't know. You should go ask her."

"No! She's dancing with a guy!"

"Then don't", Funny Man sighed as he walked away.

At some point he ran into Charlie. "Hey dude!"

"Uh hey. What's going on?"

"I'm having shots!"

"Already? Multiple?"

"Yeah! I just had two…or four!"

"Funny…Don't get too drunk, alright? Where's Anna?"

"Woohoo! I'm sober as fuck! No idea where she is."

Somehow it had been the truth. He had no idea where Anna was, but he did know she wasn't here just yet. Damn, he really missed her a lot. He sighed deeply and moved on. "Hey Jay!"

J-Dog smirked as he spotted Funny Man. "Hey."

"You having fun?"

"Sure."

"You with Vanessa?"

"Nah, she's coming later."

"So is Anna."

"Man, that sucks", J-Dog expressed as he put a hand on his shoulder. "I know how badly you wanted to see her."

"I did", he said, averting his eyes but when he looked back, J-Dog was gone.

Funny Man bumped into Johnny who seemed angry about something. "Hey dude. Has Danny fucked anyone yet?"

The singer folded his arms insulted. "Assholes! I'm not fucking anyone tonight!"

The Mexican laughed mockingly and spotted Charlie at the bar. He went down there and heard him talk about shots. He sat down next to him. "Make them double!"

As he had said, he might as well just get drunk.

"Awesome."

After a whole series of them Charlie got up. "Oh crap, I'm gonna feel that in a few minutes."

"I know, right?! It's awesome! Drinking and still sober!"

"Are you sure you're sober?"

"Totally!" the Mexican grinned "I'm always sober. Now let's do more shots!"

No, he wasn't sober. He had had seven shots in the last half hour. It was pure suicide.

"No."

He checked his phone. A new text message.

_Anna: I made it! Come find me, baby xx_

"Fine, I'll go find Anna then."

He left with that. Anna was standing on the balcony upstairs and it took him about an hour to find her. Yes, he had ran around for an hour to find her but it was totally worth it. He picked her up, spun her around and kissed her. "God, I missed you!"

She chuckled. "Easy! I missed you too."

He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm never letting go now."

"I didn't ask you to."

"How come you got here in time?"

"Aren't you going to ask me why I was late?"

"Fine, then why were you late?" he asked.

She smiled apologetically. "My car broke down. I didn't think it was starting anymore and by now the garages were closed so I had to walk all the way here! It would've taken me soooo long but then this nice guy offered me a ride and I just took it!"

Funny Man's face dropped. "You took a ride from a stranger?"

She nested her head against his chest. "Don't worry. I had pepper spray in my pocket."

"Awesome."

"Are you looking after your friends?"

"What?"

"I saw Danny was pretty down. Did you see him?"

"I did, but he's just down because they're getting a divorce", Funny Man said. She hummed. "You should go find him. I'll be here when you get back."

He moaned in annoyance but went anyway. Damn, she really turned him into a great guy. He walked downstairs and found Charlie with Danny. The singer had wide eyes. "She's never taking me back."

"No, you went too far dude."

"I know it's because of last year…"

Funny Man cleared his throat. "Danny? You alright?"

"No."

Charlie gestured to Funny Man. "He needs a drink. Fetch us the worst drink you can find."

The Mexican did so and offered both of them pure vodka and down one himself. His head spinning by now. Danny refused the drink.

"Come on, Danny. DRINK DRINK DRINK!"

Everyone around them started participating in the shouting as Danny took the drink skeptically and downed it completely. Charlie cheered for him. "Another!"

Damn, this wasn't ending well. The three of them had another, by now his thoughts were blurred like there was a veil covering them.

"You drunk, Funny?" Danny asked.

He shook his head furiously. "I'm so not dru-unk!"

"Not yet, you mean", Charlie laughed and ran away. Danny threw his head back. "Damn, the booze really gets to you after a few seconds."

"I know, right?"

"Now there's only one thing left to do."

"That is?"

"Find Theresa and win her back!"

"What if that doesn't work out?"

"Then I'm going to fuck a stranger, of course."

Funny Man laughed. "Awesome. I'm gonna get more drinks."

He did. He got more drinks. In a few hours he had gone from more-or-less sober to completely shitfaced. That's when he came across Anna. "Hey!"

"I was waiting for you!"

"Sorry."

"Did you drink?"

"Nah."

"You did. Are you drunk?"

"No, babe! I'm sober!"

She shook her head laughing. "You're an idiot, Funny. Come on. The countdown is about to start.

Ten.

"Charlie got Danny really drunk."

Nine.

"Oh, Randi is NOT going to like that."

Eight.

"Does she know?"

Seven.

"I just saw her and she was furious. I think she does."

"Uh, Anna, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"It's really serious."

"You're scaring me."

Six…

**The Romantic: Da Kurlzz**

**The romantic seems to be in love with a new person pretty much every time you get drunk with them – but not a happy love, a deep painful love**

Truth be told, Da Kurlzz felt bad for the Mexican. His new girlfriend wasn't coming just yet and he knew it was killing him inside. He sighed as he did the shots with him. That's when he saw her. It was like every light was suddenly turned to her. Her body moved so smoothly along the bass. Her hips snapped with every beat. She moved swiftly, like she was floating on top of the music. Like she wasn't making up moves to the beat, but like the beat was making up music to her dancing. She was beautiful. She had beautiful brown curls down to her lower back. She smiled constantly like she was the happiest girl alive. If only she hadn't been dancing with that random guy…

That's when Funny Man interrupted his observations.

"Dude?"

"Sh."

"What?"

"Do you know who she is?"

He pointed at a pretty brunette, dancing in the crowd.

He shrugged. "I don't know. You should go ask her."

"No! She's dancing with a guy!"

"Then don't", Funny Man sighed as he walked away.

Da Kurlzz sighed heartbroken. She was taken. Obviously, she'd be taken. At some point, Charlie came up to him.

"What's wrong?"

"She's beautiful."

"What?"

He sighed love struck. "I can't get her anyway."

"O..k…"

Da Kurlzz got up and ran away. He didn't need to be around anyone right now. He just wanted to drown his sorrows of losing another love at first sight. He ordered a drink and downed it quickly. The alcohol would numb his pain.

And it did numb his pain. He stumbled upon Danny who was talking to Theresa. It seemed serious so he didn't want to disturb them. Instead he took up a spot next to Johnny. "Is he ok?"

"I think he's getting rejected."

"I think so too."

"It's because of last year."

"Yeah. I bet it is. Poor Danny."

Da Kurlzz didn't wait for Danny to come back before he walked away. He just ran away and bumped into Asia. "Oh hi!"

"Have you seen Johnny?"

"He's over there!" He pointed to the spot where he had seen Danny and Johnny. "He's with Danny."

"Is Danny drunk?"

"No."

She sighed relieved. "Good. He's not stealing MY man."

The drummer laughed. "Yeah. I'm so happy I never slept with Danny."

She grinned. "I'm so happy Johnny didn't."

He turned around and spotted J-Dog talking to Charlie. He was about to interrupt them when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and it felt like a punch to the stomach. There she was, his beautiful goddess with brunette curls. He dropped his jaw.

"Hi", she said

His mind went completely blank. He had absolutely no sense of who he was anymore. He stared at her. "Uh. Hi."

"You're Matt, right? My brother told me."

"B-brother?" he asked dumbly. She pointed towards someone behind her. It was the same guy who had been dancing with her. Oh. So the guy dancing with her had been her brother? Oh crap. "Oh."

"You're not very talkative, are you?"

He cleared his throat. "I usually am, but you're really really pretty."

She chuckled. "Thanks."

Charlie bumped into his back. "Kiss her already!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Charlie!"

"You know Charlie?"

"Oh hi!" Charlie expressed. "Yeah, I spoke to her just a minute ago."

Da Kurlzz folded his arms. "Oh really now?"

"Yeah! Come on, Kurlzz. Get with this girl. She likes you and you obviously like her. Kiss!"

Charlie left not much longer and Da Kurlzz spent a few hours getting to know the girl before the countdown started and he felt the alcohol buzz more in his veins than he ever experienced before. His head was about to explode, just like his heart as he looked into her eyes.

Ten.

"I did like you though."

Nine.

"You do?"

Eight.

"Yeah. I just. I saw you and I was sold."

Seven.

She laughed. "That's adorable."

Six.

"You think so?"

Five…

**The Horn: Danny**

**The horn only has one thing on their mind after they've been drinking: sex. The horn has probably made some regrettable choices, and slept with most of their friends, but nothing seems to stop their quest for a night of passion.**

As they arrived to the party, Danny decided to stay with Johnny. He had to admit his conquest in search of a passionate lover always raged on when he had too much to drink so tonight he promised himself not to drink as much. He wouldn't end up with a stranger. Tonight, he'd win Theresa back. Not a drop of alcohol for him!

Johnny handed him a beer and Danny glared at him. "I can't."

"You have to. You won't enjoy if you don't have at least one beer. Forget about Theresa"

"I don't know", Danny said, scratching the back of his head. Suddenly Charlie appeared in front of the pair. "I'm winning her back, man."

"You're fucking a stranger tonight, Danny. Everyone knows you are", Johnny sighed deeply to which he earned a slap in his face.

Charlie laughed at the two of them. "You guys are so weird."

"Says the one who got drunk as fuck last year."

"Shut up!"

The rapper disappeared again and Johnny rubbed the sore spot on his jaw. "What did you do that for?"

"You lack confidence in my advances with Reese!"

"Because you've always fucked a stranger on a night out."

"I'm not this time", the singer said, walking away to find his soon-to-be ex-wife. He spent a full hour trying to find her but when he couldn't, he texted her.

_Where r u? Need to talk._

Now he had to wait for her to respond. In the meantime, he tried to find Johnny again to stay away from any drinking. He found Johnny talking to Funny Man and heard the Mexican say: "Hey dude. Has Danny fucked anyone yet?"

Danny folded his arms insulted. "Assholes! I'm not fucking anyone tonight!" before running off once again. He felt his phone vibrate.

_Reese: On the balcony. About what?_

Yes! She replied! Danny smiled, practically jumping at the opportunity to go talk to her. He ran upstairs and to the balcony but when he arrived, he saw his wife, standing there with a random guy clinging to her side. He had his arms around her. At first, Danny thought she was being harassed by him but when she smiled and kissed the guy, Danny knew it wasn't true.

She moved on. Without him. The singer dropped his gaze and went downstairs again, faintly hearing Theresa call his name as he ran away. He bumped into Anna, mumbling an apology before he disappeared once again.

He sat down on the couch next to Charlie who seemed to have a party hat on. Where the fuck did he get that one? No one was wearing a party hat. He stared at the floor in front of him as Funny Man arrived.

"She's never taking me back."

"No, you went too far dude", Charlie mused, knowing he'd be pissed too if the love of his life was sleeping around with people. He was so happy he never cheated on Randi.

"I know it's because of last year…", Danny began but Funny Man interrupted him by clearing his throat. "Danny? You alright?"

"No."

Charlie gestured to Funny Man. "He needs a drink. Fetch us the worst drink you can find."

The Mexican did so and offered both of them pure vodka and down one himself. His head spinning by now. Danny refused the drink.

"Come on, Danny. DRINK DRINK DRINK!"

Everyone around them started participating in the shouting as Danny took the drink skeptically and downed it completely. Charlie cheered for him. "Another!"

Damn, this wasn't ending well. The three of them had another, by now his thoughts were blurred like there was a veil covering them.

"You drunk, Funny?" Danny asked.

He shook his head furiously. "I'm so not dru-unk!"

"Not yet, you mean", Charlie laughed and ran away. Danny threw his head back. "Damn, the booze really gets to you after a few seconds."

"I know, right?"

"Now there's only one thing left to do."

"That is?"

"Find Theresa and win her back!"

"What if that doesn't work out?"

"Then I'm going to fuck a stranger, of course."

Funny Man laughed. "Awesome. I'm gonna get more drinks."

The Mexican never came back. Danny felt his head spin. He had to go talk to his wife. He knew he couldn't ignore the arm he had seen around her. He got up and walked back upstairs, finding his wife now alone. "Hey."

"Hey. I thought you were coming up here like half an hour ago?"

"I was, but I saw that guy…"

Her smile dropped. "Right. We're getting divorced, Danny. I can enjoy male attention."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"I only met him tonight."

"And you kiss everyone you see for the first time?"

"Says the one who slept around."

"You know how I get when I'm drunk!"

"Yes and I know you're not quite sober right now either. Talk to me in the morning", she said and she walked away. Danny was so angry. He went back to Johnny. "She's not coming back."

"She's not. Are you fucking a stranger tonight?"

"I'm not", Danny said, "But I am fucking drunk, dude. There's no denying it because I really feel like fucking someone."

"Like last year?"

"It's not funny. Last year is the whole reason why Theresa's divorcing me. Anyway, I'm getting a drink!"

Danny walked off to the bar and ordered a few shots, downing them quickly and making the room spin.

Ten

Nine

Eight

Seven

NOW, he'd find himself a guy or girl to fuck.

Six

He walked away and found Da Kurlzz talking to a pretty brunette.

Five

He made his way over to them.

Four

The pair looked at him, interrupted.

**The Broken: Johnny**

**The broken drunk just sits by themselves, drowning their feelings. They won't say anything to anyone until they finally break down crying because they're sorry for everything.**

Johnny didn't mind when Danny decided to stay by his side at the beginning of the night. He knew the singer got really uptight since Theresa dropped the bomb of wanting to leave him. The blue masked rapper fetched him a beer and shoved it in his hand, but Danny glared at him. "I can't."

"You have to. You won't enjoy if you don't have at least one beer. Forget about Theresa", Johnny was persistent to let his friend have fun that night.

"I don't know", Danny said, scratching the back of his head when Charlie appeared.

"I'm winning her back", Danny continued, ignoring their friend completely.

"You're fucking a stranger tonight, Danny. Everyone knows you are", Johnny sighed and flinched in surprise as he earned a smack in the face.

Charlie laughed at the two of them. "You guys are so weird."

"Says the one who got drunk as fuck last year."

"Shut up!"

The rapper disappeared again and Johnny rubbed the sore spot on his jaw. "What did you do that for?"

"You lack confidence in my advances with Reese!"

"Because you've always fucked a stranger on a night out."

"I'm not this time", the singer said, walking away. Johnny shrugged. He got a little tired of talking about Theresa with the singer to be honest. He wasn't really surprised she wanted to get a divorce after what Danny did to her.

He turned around to the bar and ordered a drink. He needed some alcohol. Not too much though.

After half an hour, he cursed himself for drinking too fast when his head started spinning. Act normal, he told himself, angry with himself for getting drunk so quickly. Funny Man suddenly appeared in front of him and seemed already tipsy.

"Hey dude. Has Danny fucked anyone yet?"

The singer appeared out of nowhere, reacting angrily towards Funny Man but Johnny was tuned out since he really drank too much in such little time. He had to sober up a little.

Johnny ordered another drink, blaming it on his willpower to stay sober. He couldn't stay sober. Another drink wouldn't be so bad. He remained in his spot though. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Danny talking to Theresa and turned towards them. It didn't look like it was going well.

Da Kurlzz appeared next to him and said: "Is he ok?" following his gaze.

"I think he's getting rejected", Johnny replied, trying his hardest not to show just how drunk he was.

"I think so too."

"It's because of last year."

"Yeah. I bet it is. Poor Danny."

Da Kurlzz hadn't left for one minute yet before Charlie showed up in front of him. Somehow he got his hands on a flashlight. Johnny cocked his head, sipping his drink. "Where'd you get it?"

"No idea!" Charlie laughed before hugging his friend. "You're awesome, buddy! Drink some more with me!"

They ordered a round of shots but after downing the last one, Johnny gagged, clinging onto Charlie. He had to throw up. The bandana rapper backed away. "You're not throwing up on me, dude!"

Johnny swallowed and shook his head. "It's over. I'm fine. I'm not throwing up."

But when he looked up, Charlie was gone. Instead he was staring at the face of J-Dog. "You ok?"

"I am. Are you drunk?"

"Totally", Jay laughed and Johnny rolled his eyes. He cleared his throat, looking around to see where Charlie had run off to but when he turned back to J-Dog, the man had disappeared. Great. He was alone again.

Not much later Danny was at his side again, now furious. Johnny felt like he was experiencing the night in a blur. He checked his phone. Almost midnight. How did he tune out like that?

"She's not coming back."

"She's not. Are you fucking a stranger tonight?"

"I'm not", Danny said, "But I am fucking drunk, dude. There's no denying it because I really feel like fucking someone."

"Like last year?" Johnny tried to keep his sentences short as he didn't want anyone knowing he just almost threw up.

"It's not funny. Last year is the whole reason why Theresa's divorcing me. Anyway, I'm getting a drink!"

Alone once again. Johnny felt his control slip and wanted to slide down against the bar and sit. He just wanted to go home now. Asia came up to him, sensing what was going on. She held him close against her and said: "Johnny. Are you drunk?"

Ten.

"No", he said, suddenly feeling down.

Nine.

"Johnny."

Eight.

"I'm so fucking wasted. I hate it. I'm so drunk. I'm such a piece of shit", Johnny whined.

Seven.

"Honey…"

Six.

"How can you be with this piece of shit?"

Five…

**The Wanderer: J-Dog**

**The wanderer is the most mysterious of drunks. One minute you're all having a lovely time and the next minute they're gone. Even though nobody knows exactly what the wanderer gets up to, it's pretty much guaranteed they will have had the best night out.**

He saw everything. Like a God, he had seen every single one of their stories. As their night began, Jay decided to go find his wife. It proved to be a lot tougher since she wasn't there yet. He was a little upset about not being able to see her immediately but he wouldn't let it get his night down. Instead he ordered a drink.

The bartender seemed to have switched his order since this drink definitely had way more vodka than soda in it. He shrugged and downed it anyway. Tonight, he was set on getting drunk and have the best night of his life. To be able to do that, he had to get drunk fast. Time went by slowly if you didn't anyway.

Only half an hour into the party he felt his head spin. Now was the time to stop drinking or he'd turn into a vomiting mess by the time they'd count down. As he stood there, contemplating what to do while Vanessa wasn't there yet, Charlie bumped into him quite harshly but the bandana rapper didn't seem to notice he had thrown his drink onto the floor since he was too angry. "Oh hey!"

Jay smiled and waved. "How are you?"

"Fine! I was just with Danny and…", Charlie turned around to show Jay where they were but J-Dog suddenly got a text message from Vanessa so he ran off and away from Charlie.

Unfortunately, the text message didn't tell him where she was. All it said was:

_Try to stay out of trouble until I'm there, baby xxx_

He could do that. Wait, no… he couldn't. He was drunk already. Just reading that text message proved to be a challenge. He smirked as he spotted Funny Man.

"Hey."

"You having fun?" the Mexican asked and Jay shrugged. "Sure."

"You with Vanessa?"

"Nah, she's coming later", the gas masked rapper replied with an easy smile. He was comfortable on parties like these. This was his element.

"So is Anna", his friend sighed and he could feel his mood sinking. He put a hand on his shoulder. "Man, that sucks. I know how badly you wanted to see her."

"I did", the Mexican replied, averting his eyes.

These negative emotions were killing his buzz. He had to get away so he did. Not bothering to say goodbye to his friend.

His phone let him know his beautiful wife had finally arrived. She was by the door so he quickly made his way over to her. She squealed as she saw him and attacked him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her sweetly. "Finally."

"I missed you sooo much!"

"I missed you too."

She let him go and looked over his shoulder. "How are the guys? Not drunk I hope?"

"I'm totally drunk."

"Jay…"

"No, nothing bad will happen but I see the best things when I'm drunk."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, give me a minute. I see Johnny's about to throw up", Jay quickly said before rushing over to his friend but by the time he got there, it was over. "You ok?"

"I am. Are you drunk?"

"Totally", Jay laughed and Johnny rolled his eyes. Now he could get back to his wife. He went back to her and swung an arm around her shoulders. "I need to be drunk in order to see how the night unravels."

"What do you mean?"

As the countdown started, Jay didn't participate. Instead he took his wife up to the higher part of the house. They got on top of the balcony which gave a nice view over the whole room. In the back, he witnessed Charlie and Randi fighting.

" _Damn it, Charlie!"_

_She ran away as they started to count down. Ten._

" _Randi, wait!"_

_Nine._

" _I can't believe you'd still get drunk after last year!"_

" _What was so bad about last year? I can't even remember."_

" _You really wanna know?"_

" _Ofcourse I do!"_

_Eight._

" _You really can't remember?"_

" _No, I can't."_

_He stopped her by her tugging her arm before she reached the door to the garden. She stopped to look at him._

_Seven_

"You wanna know what you did last year?"

"Ofcourse I do!

Six

"You truly can't remember? You were the one who came up to me and told me."

"Told you what?" Charlie asked, dumbfounded.

"You had sex with Danny."

"I HAD WHAT WITH WHO?"

"Exactly", Randi scoffed.

A little bit further to the right, Funny Man was standing close against Anna.

_Ten._

" _Charlie got Danny really drunk."_

_Nine._

" _Oh, Randi is NOT going to like that."_

_Eight._

" _Does she know?"_

_Seven._

" _I just saw her and she was furious. I think she does."_

" _Uh, Anna, there's something I need to tell you."_

" _What is it?"_

" _It's really serious."_

" _You're scaring me."_

_Six_

"I love you."

She was speechless and blinked a few times. "You do?"

Five.

"I do."

Right below their balcony, Danny stomped towards Da Kurlzz and the pretty brunette.

_Ten_

_Nine_

_Eight_

_Seven_

_NOW, he'd find himself a guy or girl to fuck._

_Six_

_He walked away and found Da Kurlzz talking to a pretty brunette._

_Five_

_He made his way over to them._

_Four_

_The pair looked at him, interrupted._

He tugged the arm of the girl, pulling her away from Da Kurlzz before lunging at the screamer and kissing him full on the lips.

In front of the bar they found Johnny with Asia.

_Ten._

" _No", he said, suddenly feeling down._

_Nine._

" _Johnny."_

_Eight._

" _I'm so fucking wasted. I hate it. I'm so drunk. I'm such a piece of shit", Johnny whined._

_Seven._

" _Honey…"_

_Six._

" _How can you be with this piece of shit?"_

_Five_

"You're not a piece of shit. You're the man I'm married to and I love you."

Johnny sniffed. "Really?"

Vanessa raised an eyebrow as her man looked like he won the lottery. "Except for Johnny, all those stories didn't end well."

"That's where you're wrong!"

Fireworks could be heard outside as everyone shouted: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

J-Dog laughed when the entire floor got covered in confetti and heard Vanessa squeal as well. He took her close against him. "Watch. I am so drunk but I saw everything."

He pointed to the floor below them. Charlie was hugging Randi, telling her reassuring things that it would never happen again, his fling with Danny. He couldn't remember it and frankly it repulsed him as he thought about it.

Da Kurlzz' pretty brunette was laughing as Danny had kissed Matt but her laughter died down when an angry Theresa territorially dragged Danny away from him. The drummer could now resume his advances with the brunette, joking about how Danny wasn't the New Year's kiss he had expected to which she'd peck him on the cheek.

Johnny cried his soul out against Asia but she didn't mind. She'd rather have him cry and beg for forgiveness for being drunk, than have him as an angry, grumpy drunk. He was never good with bottling things up. Anna ended up making Funny Man the happiest man alive as she loved him back.

Vanessa dropped her jaw. "I can't believe it all ended so well eventually."

"Neither can I. This is why I love a drunk night out. When I'm drunk, my friends always end up being more than fine. I think this was the best New Year's Eve as of yet."

"It's not over yet!" Charlie cheered behind him, flashlight still in hand, only he had switched his vomit shirt for a new one. Danny stayed as far away from him as possible while Theresa clung to his side. "I'm not getting a divorce though!"

Funny Man held Anna into his arms. "She loves me."

Da Kurlzz held the brunette goddess against his side like she was precious to him. "I'm no longer single."

Johnny said nothing at all but his self-pity seemed to have cleared up. J-Dog held his hand out to them and said to his wife: "I told you this was the best New Year's Eve ever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


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